A miscarriage is a deeply personal and traumatic experience so healing after miscarriage can be difficult, but it is possible. Miscarriage often happens without warning and since every woman is unique, your timeline for healing may vary greatly from another woman’s. Knowing you’re not alone may help with your recovery process.
The 5 Stages of Grief
- Denial – “It’s a mistake.” “It was only cramps.” “I feel fine now.” These thoughts are quite common. Your brain needs time to process the shock of losing your baby.
- Anger – It’s human nature to feel guilty or to deflect your pain by blaming someone else for why this happened. However, most miscarriages are spontaneous and occur for no reason other than an embryotic genetic abnormality. No one, especially you, has control over that, no matter how careful you were.
- Bargaining – “I’ll do anything if this isn’t real…” A strong bond with your baby has already formed in your heart and you’ll do anything to make this reality not true.
- Depression – A miscarriage is a tragic loss so it’s very common to experience listlessness, despair, guilt, sorrow, grief or dejection. Your quality of sleep may suffer, you may experience fatigue, depression, lack of focus or appetite, crying jags and anger. The recovery stage is often the longest as you come to terms with what happened. Certain triggers may continue to overwhelm you, which can elicit emotions such as resentment over other women’s pregnancies, children’s birthday celebrations, baby showers, etc. Medicinal intervention and/or counseling may sometimes be warranted.
- Acceptance – Once you recognize that your feelings are part of the normal healing process, there are many ways you can help yourself and begin to alleviate the pain you are going through.
The wonderfully positive statistic is that you have an 85% chance of safely carrying another pregnancy to full term.
How to Cope After a Miscarriage
- Talk about it – Your loved are probably grieving too so it helps to talk about your emotions.
- Take your time – There is no expiration date on grief. It lessens but it can take baby steps. Concentrate on getting through one day at a time.
- Ask for help – You may need to seek professional counseling or join a support grief group. Sometimes talking with people outside of your immediate friends and family can be very therapeutic.
- Memorialize – Honor your little one with either a name, by wearing a locket with his or her initials. Or place a baby sculpture near a newly planted perennial. Anything you can do to commemorate your baby’s existence can help with the coping process.
- Excuse and forgive – Not everyone will mourn the same way or can offer the support you need or want. Your partner may be silent or act stoic, however, it may simply be their way of dealing with their own grief. Others who mean well may say something insensitive, but they may just not know how to express their grief and concern for you.
- Vent – Go for a long drive, or simply scream; record your thoughts and feelings, or kick the air out of a beach ball. Whatever it is, it’s important to find small ways to get your anger out.
Our Patients Share Their Stories of Hope
Sheila shares her story of multiple miscarriages – and finally, Samuel, her miracle rainbow baby.
Jamie shares her story of loss and love.
Cherokee Women’s Health Can Help
The wonderfully positive statistic is that you have an 85% chance of safely carrying another pregnancy to full term. Our board-certified OB/GYNs will use their extensive experience to evaluate you to help prevent any such further loss in the future. Our vast experience in women’s health and our up-to-date knowledge gives us the skill to approach your situation with individual attention. We’ll begin with your medical history, genetic and other testing to ascertain any risk factors that may hinder or threaten your baby’s development and birth. We’ll constantly monitor you throughout the gestational period, delivery and beyond. We’ll also provide guidelines to prepare yourself for the healthiest possible pregnancy.
Miscarriage Resources
We recommend the following resources to help you in your recovery process:
H.E.A.R.T. Strings Support Group – Hope, Empathy, Alliance, Resources and Teamwork
Perinatal Bereavement of Palliative Care. Email them at northsidepnl@gmail.com or call them at 770.224.1817.
