Following is Robin’s story in her own words. She’s a patient who decided to get vaginoplasty after having 12 pregnancies. She shares her experience with meeting Dr. Litrel, the procedure and how her life has changed as a result.
See Robin’s accompanying video.
Talking to My Husband About Getting VR
I talked to my husband and I just said I really want to talk to you about letting someone see if they can help me with how I’m feeling, and it could mean possible surgery. And he said absolutely not. I love you just the way you are. And I don’t want anybody cutting on you. You don’t need to do this for me. And I just had to stop him and say this isn’t for you. This is for me. He said, I really need to think about it.
And so I decided to order another contraption. Yes, I did. Do not judge me. It went way up into your legs and you had to squeeze it. It came in and I thought it was just was ridiculous. I really couldn’t do anything with it and I was very discouraged.
So I thought, you know what? I’ve got to find help and so I started looking to see if there was someone in my area that did vaginoplasty surgery. But then I thought if I did find someone, would they just want to do a bladder tack, like my other doctor had recommended. I just didn’t want all of that. And I’m not saying it’s not useful. I’m just saying for me, I didn’t want it if I if I didn’t have to have it.
So I came across Dr. Litrel from the Atlanta area. I just really liked him. I liked his video. He did one about the pelvic floor and I liked his sincerity. Then I called his office and his scheduler took care of me and answered my questions. I felt like she was my best friend before I got off the phone. She made me feel so at ease and she answered every one of my questions. She made me feel that like, hey, this is okay. You’re going to be OK.
And so I hung out with all of my questions answered and I called Scott to let him know what they said. I said, I’m not asking for you to change your mind, but what I am asking is if you would go with me to just have a consultation and talk to the doctor to see if you like him and see if he can answer some questions for me. Scott said if this means this much to you, then yes, absolutely, I’ll do that.
So I made the appointment for about three or four days later, and we took off to Atlanta, which is about 3-1/2 hours from our farm. I was so nervous and I just remembered thinking that this could change my life. I mean, this could literally change my life and change the way I feel about myself, and not in a vain way. I mean, it’s not like getting plastic surgery or fake eyelashes. This could really help me heal in ways that I can’t even begin to tell you.
We got to Dr. Litrel’s office and I was very nervous. It’s scary talking to someone about how you feel about yourself, and I was already feeling horrible about myself. You know, Dr. Litrel just had no idea what he was getting into when he saw me as a patient, but I just remember feeling hope that I can feel better about myself and that my body could work better.
Meeting Dr. Litrel
Dr. Litrel comes into the exam room and at first he’s really distracted so I didn’t know if I was going to like him because I wanted someone that was going to look at me and help me to decide what was best for me. And to be honest, Dr. Litrel came in and was all business at first and I thought, okay, I’m not sure this is going to work but I’m I’m willing to give him a try.
He gets focused in on me and starts talking to me as a person, and as a woman. I could tell he was sincere. He starts feeling my pelvic area and I was like, gosh, this is so embarrassing. And I was just waiting for him to say I’m sorry, I can’t help you. I mean, I promise you, I was waiting for that! But you what he said next? It changed my heart and changed my life.
He said, you’re not that bad. You’re really not that bad. And then he goes on to say, you have great ingredients. Y’all, he told me I had great ingredients! Do you understand what that does to someone who has felt like she has not had great ingredients for so long? I was shocked. He said I can see where you were when you were 18. I can see, you know. I can see this and I can see that. I started to cry because my body has been through so much with 12 pregnancies. And of course, a delivery that didn’t go as planned.
He told me that I had a rectocyle. I had never heard of that before, but apparently it’s very common with women who’ve had children. He said, you don’t have to have a lot of children to have this. You can have one child and have a rectocyle. Do you know what that is?
I didn’t know what it was but I would have wanted someone to be proactive before I had babies to tell me that this could happen and to be on the lookout for it. But no one did. I’ve seen it before when I have gotten out of the shower or looked at a mirror, so it didn’t surprise me.
Dr. Litrel said it’s fixable and it’s pretty easily fixable. He explained what all that meant and how he could fix it and that I had great ingredients. That was the game changer for me. I walked out of there with my head held high. And you know my husband and I went and just celebrated for my good ingredients. And for the first time I told him how bad I had felt about myself and that I didn’t know if he wanted to be intimate since I had so many problems. And of course, he didn’t even know. We had a great dinner and just talked and prayed about it and decided that, yeah, surgery was definitely in the cards for me.
How I Got on This Journey
So how did I get on this journey of vaginoplasty? Well, it’s quite simple. I had spent years having children and miscarriages. Our last baby had died before he was born, so he was born dead. And I had a lot of negative things about my body because I had had so many miscarriages.
I remember going to my regular OB/GYN for my yearly checkup, a man I have been friends with for 30 years. He’s a Christian and I love him so much. But one of the things that I just feel like was missing was the next part of my journey as a woman. You know, the journey where you’re not fertile, you’re not having babies anymore. But what is going to happen to my body that I may need to know and I may need to be aware of so I can be looking for them? That’s seldom ever talked about. And to be honest, I just kind of felt like I was on my own at one of my appointments. My GYN just told me to stay in shape and to stay busy through menopause and I’ll be great. He told me to just come back when I have a problem. I thought, I don’t want to do that. I really want to be proactive with myself.
I just remember being in his office that day and him doing my pelvic exam. I told him I didn’t feel great about myself down there. I said I’m not having major issues, but I just feel like something’s off. And he said to me, let’s do a hysterectomy. Let’s do a bladder tack. Let’s do an anterior posterior repair. He named a few other things but I promise you, I don’t remember anything else.
I just remember thinking, gosh, I need all that? I knew I felt bad, but I didn’t know I was that bad. I felt horrible and don’t even remember driving home. I just remember crying a lot and thinking how can my husband enjoy making love to me if I’m that bad. I need that much work. And no one explained it to me.
How and why my vagina got in the shape it did and no one explained to me how they could fix it earlier. They could have fixed it earlier. No one explained these kind of things to me so to hear it all at once was really shocking. I spent the next four years, no lie, buying every gadget to help tighten up my pelvic floor and my vagina area. I’m very disciplined so I knew I could do it. And so I started doing all my kegels.
I started doing all my exercises and nothing worked. So this is why I’m on this journey. I want to grow old gracefully. I don’t have to be a beauty queen but I do have to feel good and I do have to feel like I can please, my husband, and please myself and do it in a way that brings joy to me and do it in a way that is healthy.
