Does thinking about upcoming holiday parties have you stressed out? Do you spend too much time thinking about how you’ll handle the inevitable question of when you’re going to have kids? Sure, you’ve been looking forward to the holidays for months now but it can also be stressful for anyone struggling with infertility. You’ll be visiting with extended relatives that you haven’t seen in years or friends from school that you only keep in touch with through Facebook. You’re going to be seeing a lot of people who will ask you how your life is going and of course, the inevitable question…when you are going to have kids?
This seemingly innocent question can turn a joyous occasion into a disaster in a split second. Suddenly, you’re stammering and looking at your husband for help. You want to respond in a way that doesn’t illicit pity but also in a way that doesn’t encourage more questions.
So how do you handle baby questions when you’ve been struggling with infertility?
Have an answer ready. Talk with your husband beforehand about how you’re going to handle these sensitive questions. Having a plan will make you feel much more at ease when it happens.
Skip the details. There’s no reason you have to tell anyone you’re struggling to have a baby. Keep it vague so when you’re asked when you’re going to have kids, just reply, “Well, we hope to someday.” Then quickly ask them a follow up question that has nothing to do with babies.
Use humor. There’s a reason some of the most tragic people in history have been so funny. They learned to use humor to deflect their real feelings so doing this when you’re asked uncomfortable questions can work wonders. So when they ask you when you’re going to have a baby, you can respond with, “Baby? Baby what? Baby dog? Baby cat?” Then just laugh it off. They’ll likely get the hint and change the subject.
Believe in good intentions. Most people have good intentions and are genuinely interested in your life and they’re really not trying to make you uncomfortable. The thing is, most people who haven’t struggled with infertility have no idea what a sensitive subject it can be. Try to keep that in perspective.
Conversations about when you’re going to have a baby can either make or break a gathering. But by taking some of these steps, you’ll feel more comfortable and be better able to enjoy everything this wonderful season has to offer.